New York Parents Club Founder, Pam Wolf

Greetings New York Parents Club!

I’d wager to say we’ve all been there–facing one of our beloved children who has crossed a behavioral line.

We know the behavior must be addressed.  And we know there must be a consequence.

Now, in my book, consequences are different than punishments.  Where punishments are really retributions (you hurt me, so I hurt you), consequences fall into the cause-and-effect category.

In a perfect scenario, the consequences are immediate and directly related to the cause. For example, the consequence of not paying your taxes on time is a fine.

The challenge is coming up with consequences for our children that are effective, meaningful and non-punitive.

Adding to the challenge is that, unlike laws–which levy the same penalties for everyone–consequences for children can’t be the same across the board. What works for one child may not work for another.

Take suspending allowances–for one of my children it’s the ultimate penalty; another couldn’t care less.
So, I tailor consequences accordingly (making sure I underscore my disappointment is with the behavior itself and not the child).

Your turn!

What consequences are most effective in your home?

How do you determine consequences; are they the same for each child?

And what are your tips for making them stick- even when it inconveniences you. 

LET IT OUT!
 
Pam Wolf